Was the Inventor of the Scuba Tank an Existential Poet?:
Self-Contained-
Underwater-
Breathing-
Apparatus.

"I Don't Watch T.V."
(So?)

The Siblings in Mass
Squiggling, squirming. Wiggling, worming.
A drooping spineless gelatinous thing.
Phalanges waving, grabbing and yanking,
Picking up, dropping, fid'ling and poking.
Giggling, whining, whispering, crying,
A restless, kinetic, scatterbrained beast.
Seems to enjoy to amuse and annoy,
And drain energy from all who come near.

The Worst Poem Ever Written About Martial Infidelity
"Underwear!"
"Underwear?"
"Under there!"
"Under where?"
"Under there! Underwear.
It's Over."

Well, That's True of Pizza.
They say pizza is like sex.
There's no such thing as bad pizza.
Some is just better than others.

How Many Polacks Does it take to Screw in a Light bulb?
Five, because they're so stupid.

No Really, How many Polacks Does it take to Screw in a Light Bulb?
Ok, One. It's a relatively easy task.

Shampoo
Fake Doggy Doo?

A Longer Life Expectancy
Too much time -
To do nothing.

Advertising Slogans that use Periods Between Each Word and Adjectives in place of Adverbs
Suck. Real. Bad.

Creepy Ad for M-Life (AT&T Wireless): found art
Why is the weight of a cell phone in your pocket so reassuring
Why is it soothing to you that someone just thought of you right now?
Why can you sometimes hear your daughter's voice in a ring tone?
Why does a phone make you feel comfortable saying things you'd never say?
Why are you compelled to stare at it when it's just sitting there quietly? Why? Because a wireless phone is not just a phone anymore.

The Best Dialogue in a Movie. Ever
"Hi I'm Dr. Clay"
"Hi"
"How did this happen?"
"Natural causes."
"Looks like a knife wound,"
"Like I said. . ."
"You're a Bouncer?"
"Mmm-hmm. Double Deuce."
"Nice place -- they send a lot of business my way."
"I'm hoping to change that."
"All by yourself?"

"Well Mr. Dalton, you may add 9 staples to your dossier
of 31 broken bones,
2 bullet wounds,
9 puncture wounds,
and 4 stainless steal screws.
That's an estimate of course. I'll give you a local."

"No thank you."
"Do you enjoy pain?"
"Pain don't hurt."

"Most of my patients would disagree with you, but OK.
You always carry your medical records around with you?"
"Saves time."

"Your file says you got a degree from NYU. What in?"
"Philosophy."
"Any particular discipline?"
"No not really. Um, man's search for faith - that kind of shit."
"Come up with any answers?"
"Not too many."

"How does a guy like you end up a bouncer?"
"Just lucky I guess." . . .

"Do you ever win a fight?"
"Nobody ever wins a fight . . ."