What are You Gonna Do with these Kids?
By: Mike Gries

I used to teach a test prep class to fifth graders. The class met Fridays after school, but not right after school. They would finish their last class, go get ice cream, run around, spazz out, scream, work up a sweat, and then they would be turned over to me for 3 hours right before their weekend. I would then try to teach them Algebra.

"No the ‘x’ represents a real number. I mean . . .like it’s . . .well like it’s a specific number and you have to figure out what number it represents . . .or it might be a few numbers, like it could be 3 and negative 3. Ok I’m getting ahead of myself. Like in the equation 3x-1=11, the "x" would . .please sit down Alex. Alex. Alex, sit down."

The last class found me plaintively begging, then ordering, "SHUT. . .UP! I need you. . .to SHUT. . .UP!"1

Anyway, I not only failed to teach them math, but I also failed to teach them writing skills as well. Here are some of their essays. The topic was: "Technology Makes the World Smaller Every Day. Agree or Disagree." Yes, I know this is Kids Say the Darndest Things-type crap, but hey, I’m a sucker for this stuff. I never get tired of home movies with guys taking it to the nuts; I never get tired of seeing a picture of Bulldog dressed up in a bowler and a monocle, and I never get tired of the stupidity of the young mind. Enjoy.

I agree with the statement. I agree with it because some technology doesn’t help us. Here’s a few personal experiences why. Here’s one. One night, when my sister and I were watching TV my dad told my sister to do something. She didn’t do it. Then I turned on the TV off. She turned it on and so forth. Then when I turned on, it was broken. And that didn’t help us. Here’s another one. One day, I was using the computer and when I tried to turn it off, it said on the monitor, “VIDEO CABLE CONNECTED?” and my mom had to delay me by calling the computer company and asking how to fix it. That didn’t help either. So; in conclusion I stand strongly with my agreement. The End.

I disagree with this because if people invent technology more things are being put into the world, which would make the world bigger, if anything. For example, when people invent schools, buildings, even new kinds of math, it can make the world only bigger.

Sometimes, technology isn’t solid things. As I said before, math, also languages, and places. Yet if you find new places, it will seem like the world is bigger, but the world will always be the same size. Your world may seem larger or smaller, but really the world stays the same size. It is just your mind.

I think that technology doesn’t make the world smaller, it builds bigger and better resources. It makes more things, like computer and televisions. It also makes the world what it is today. Without technology the world wouldn’t have radios or we couldn’t have big boats, that help out people. We couldn’t have America or any other countries. We would probably die young, or may not even be born.

Technology is what almost everyone uses everyday. Most people type or watch television or listen to the radio. We would live like the olden days, millions of years back. We wouldn’t have a lot of information.

I agree with this statement because apliences are getting smaller all the time. People are doing this because smaller is more conviniant than large bolky stuff. Foreinstance it wouldn’t be very good if people were walking around with ten pound and 3 feet CD players. So people have made many things smaller like walkmen/cd players. Also things like small radios and many things that are still available large can come in small sizes. A nother reason why smaller is more conviniant is it takes up less room.

Technology makes the world smaller in many ways. It does this by making us lazy. We all depend on stuff/things to do stuff for us. The is are some ways this happens. People need computers/internet instead of books. This can also be a good thing though. People can be met on the internet and become best friends. Computers can also be good for making pictures and text. Other eletronix can be good and bad at the same time, forinstance, digital watches. They can be good because it shows you the time for example 3:47 pm. But they can also be bad because sometimes people don’t know how to use any watches except digital ones. Robots can be just bad because they do everything. People become fat and lazy. Because they don’t do anything.

I think technology doesn’t make the world smaller everyday. The reason I think this is because technology helps people stay alive. For example there now machine that find out if you have anthrax. There are also shots you need to take when you are young to see if you have polio.

Then again technology is also bad because take cars and trucks for example they give out a lot of polution and makes this world really bad. The way it makes the world bad is if someone breaths in a lot of it you can die. But my main point thought is that technology is a big part in are world and if there was more there would be no light like in a light bulb, or trash cans, pens, pencils, space ships, cars, planes or any of them these we need or would like to have in the world. The End!

1Also highly annoying was their desire to call me 'Mr. Mike.'

"Can we call you ‘Mr. Mike?’"
"No. You can call me ‘Mr. Gries’, or ‘Mike’"
"But not ‘Mr. Mike?’"
"No. No you can’t."

This whole Mr. or Ms. First-Name thing nomenclature is an epidemic in our school systems, and after school programs. I think it’s supposed to be friendly, yet somewhat formal. To me it sounds A. Lame and B. Like something you’d call your slave master. Plus, what the hell is wrong with having kids call their superiors by they’re freakin’ last name! Ugh.