Get Carter
Mike Gries
Get Carter is a lousy remake of a merely OK movie. The original has Michael Cain hell-bent on getting vengeance for his brother’s murder. He does, and then he’s killed. Michael Cain actually does a serviceable job as the determined tough guy, and you kind of buy him as the driven, non-bullshit taking, thug. Cain also shows up in the remake, but is, of course, lousy in it. He’s not as bad in the new Get Charter as he was in, say, On Deadly Ground, but he’s pretty bad nonetheless.
Predictably, the writer and director of the remake totally puss out. First of all, they let Carter (now played by Sylvester Stalone) live at the end. Second of all, it’s a remake of a revenge picture, and they have Carter letting a bunch of people live, because he’s transformed into a better person through the experiences he has during the movie. That’s how the director explained it anyway. In reality, it’s just a testicle-less remake, and they didn’t have the sack to make it as dark as the original. To compensate for the lighter story line, they compensate by making the execution overly dark. The incongruity between the wussy writing and the dark delivery is jarring. Cain as a normal looking tough is replaced by a jacked up, three day shadowed, shark-skin-suit-wearing Stalone. Stalone replaces Cain’s no-nonsense talk with incoherent mumbling and threatening looks, and dark smoky bars replace the dreary England of the original. Also, in case it wasn’t dark enough, the new Get Carter team throws in an extra-oily performance by Mickey Rourque and a handful of fight scenes that are all shot in what can best be described as “super-shaky vision.” How shaky? Blair Witch Project, running through the woods shaky.
What really sets the new Get Carter apart, however, is its lousy ass writing. Here is a threat that comes from the flamboyantly evil computer geek character, played by Allen Cummings.
"You know why I like golf. . .Mr. Carter? Because the ball just keeps goin’ away. Only sport where you hit that sucker and it doesn’t come back at you. I’ve got to want to go after it and get it. And when I get to it? (fffft!) I just knock it away again. See what I’m saying Mr. Carter? Once I get rid of it, I never want to see it again."
I feel the same way about Get Carter.